Diary of a Dysfunctional Pet Family

I have a confession to make: We are a dysfunctional family.

As the sole human in the mix, I have to accept full responsibility, though I really don’t want to. But what kind of goober would I be if I blamed it on the cat?

June Buggie in his famous, “Get your ass up!” stance.


Let me explain.

I wake up every morning to June Buggie giving me fits. He doesn’t like me sleeping in, because he’s ready to eat. So he paws at me, jumps on me, and runs across my chest. After 17 years together, he knows what irritates me the most, and uses every tool at his disposal to get me up and moving.

Yet despite his impatience with me in not getting up right away, he then makes the wait for breakfast even longer by running out on the porch, forcing me to chase him and put him back inside before taking Rumpy out to potty.

I put down his food, and June Buggie digs in as though he hadn’t eaten in days. Then I put Bubba in the bedroom with his food, as he eats separately. So what does the starving June Buggie do? Position himself outside the bedroom door and wait until Bubba has finished. What? I thought just a minute ago you were dying of starvation!

After about a half hour, I open the bedroom door and June Buggie rushes in, hoping Bubba has left some food behind. Once again, June Buggie eats like a starving cat. But that only lasts a few seconds, because Rumpy is very good at sneaking in when I’m not looking, and claiming the leftovers for himself.

He feigns innocence so well!
He feigns innocence so well!

I know what you’re wondering: Does June Buggie ever actually eat?

Before I leave for work, Rumpy and I go for a walk. When I come back, Rumpy gets a cookie if he is a good dog- and even if he isn’t. June Buggie has decided he deserves a treat as well, and meows loudly until he gets one. Of course I give it to him, because I worry he didn’t get enough to eat at breakfast, though it was clearly his own fault if he didn’t. But I’m just a sucker for a furry face.

I guess by now you’re talking amongst yourselves and planning an intervention. Save it. The first step toward change is admitting there’s a problem, and while I’ll be the first to tell you we could do better, June Buggie sees absolutely nothing wrong with this arrangement.

Problem? I don't have a problem.
Problem? I don’t have a problem.

And that, my friends, is why June Buggie is at fault here. Go ahead, call me a goober.

27 thoughts on “Diary of a Dysfunctional Pet Family

  1. They all have weird patterns. With our four dogs, you have to put the food down in a special order, not too close together, then stand in the middle of the circle and wait as they eat. If you leave the room, they all go into a mad scramble to get each others’ food. ALL the food is the same, mind you, and surely after all these years, they know that … but … There’s some kind of pack behavior involved that I can’t quite unravel. Or maybe they just do it to make me crazy.

  2. My cat is to blame for all of the shenanigans in our household – but she learned these bad habits from the dog ….begging for human food, prancing around for us to drop food on the ground by accident while cooking, and looking up at us pathetically when she wants some “moo” (milk for anyone who doesn’t treat their animals like 2 year old children). We are humans catering to our pets – both were rescued…so they’re as spoiled as can be.

  3. You see ……….. the problem is obvious to an outsider. If it has four legs, it clearly is at fault. Both cats and dogs know exactly how to train humans but yours are clearly being irresponsible by expecting you to self train. I should exclude Rumpy from that because he has trained you to go for walks with him. The cats however fully deserve all the blame. They could have trained you but chose not to. It is unfortunate though that their irresponsible behavior could well be your downfall, but then they’ll just move on with a clear conscience and as much food as they can carry, on their way out!

  4. seems to be no different than this household, Louie is yowling at me at exactly 5:15 a.m. (he is 18 1/2), the other two are escorting me to the bathroom and then to the kitchen. if i am lucky i get to go back to sleep for 2 hours. then supper time is even more hilarious as Tigger figures that 4 p.m. would be the perfect time for supper and is busy rolling around the kitchen floor, trying to look so-o-o-o adorable, never mind that supper is at 4:30. mr c is walking up and down the counter looking like he never gets fed, yea right and louie is pretending that he is sleeping in his basket. your household sounds totally normal to me….

  5. Awwww….June Buggie….he is one of the reasons why I now have four cats….because he is irresistibly so adorable!!!!! To me, it was love at the first sight….I fall in love with him immediately. He showed me what a lovely animal cat is through your blog! πŸ™‚

      1. As for food, ‘Tora’ who is the 3rd adopted cat is like June Buggie, and for wake-up call (hee hee), ‘Chibi’ who is the 2nd adopted one looks like him ! The other two, Shiro and Hime are behaving quite well! *Oops! * πŸ™‚

  6. If June Buggie has all those things to supervise before he can relax and eat his breakfast, I’m not surprised he’s keen to get you into action in the morning!

  7. Ha! Here’s Jack. He watches me intently – from the doorway – while I put food and salmon oil in his bowl. If I walk away, he stealths over – but only to check and make sure there’s water. If not, he positions himself in the middle of the kitchen and looks wounded. If there is water, he gives a sort-of passed muster inspection to the food, then sort of jogs back to the doorway. When I turn around, and face the kitchen sink, with the water on. He sneaks over and starts eating. But if I turn the water off, or move in any way, he skeeters out of the kitchen like his doggy butt is on fire. Generally, kitchen sink or no kitchen sink – he will leave enough food to allow me to put things like butter, cheese, cream cheese or sour cream (depending on what I’m making for my own breakfast – as if I deserved a breakfast of my own – in there to spice up his dog food.

    Jack has a thorough understand of all the packaging for people-food. He knows the difference between sour cream, tuna, tofu, flax milk… whatever. And his demand level (note the word demand) increases or decreases accordingly.

    No, Jen. All things being equal – ya got off easy. πŸ™‚

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