And just like that it’s time to start dreading that most perfect, and perfectly awful, of times- the holiday season.
For those of you who will spend the next two months in a euphoric stupor of holiday magic, this post is not for you. Move along, please.
As for the rest of you, show of hands. How many will be seeing their doctor for a prescription for Xanax sometime in the next two weeks? Already starting a regimen of Prilosec? Volunteering to be on call at work for the holidays?
Of course you are.
But I have a better idea. Skip the drama and instead do something you’d REALLY like.
Otherwise be prepared for two months of shopping and spending, deep cleaning and decorating, and cooking- LOTS and LOTS of cooking.
And for what? The big day comes for you to show off all your hard work and no one notices. Why? They’re too busy avoiding your mother-in-law and her endless proselytizing. Your uncle is boring everyone to tears with his latest conspiracy theories. They’re oohing and aahing over your kid’s new pup who comes into your home and immediately pisses on that freshly cleaned carpet.
Look, your mother-in-law is convinced Kim Davis is a saint, and nothing will change her mind. Challenge her and she’ll double down on her insistence she’s right and then begin praying aloud for that demon inside of you to be forced out.
And you’ll never convince your uncle there’s no one in the government smart enough to keep those Roswell aliens secret from the rest of us for this long. No, his belief system is as intricate as it is nonsensical.
Folks, you know what I’m saying is true. And I have science to back it up. Seems there ARE some smart people out there studying human beings to find out why we’re so insistent that climate change is a hoax and believe immigrants are sending our country to hell in a handbasket. James Kuklinski of Illinois Urbana- Champagne calls it the “I know I’m right” syndrome.
So how about this year you give up the fantasy that THIS TIME those loose cannons will behave themselves and use the money you’d blow on another miserable family celebration to do something you’d REALLY like!
Besides, it’ll give your mother-in-law something to pray about.