This morning on Facebook a local news outlet had posted a heartwarming story of police officers giving out ice cream to community kids on a hot day.
But many of the comments in the thread were about one young woman in one of the photos who wasn’t wearing a bra. “You should have bought her a bra.” “No one wants to see that.”
The worst part? It was other women making all the comments!
Let me tell you a story about body shaming.
I was a fat kid back in the day when there weren’t as many fat kids as there were today. What do I remember about my childhood? That I was repeatedly given the message I was unacceptable because of my body’s size.
When I was five, a female neighbor took me aside and told me I needed to lose weight and what I should eat to make that happen. But the women in my family had already been doing that, so it didn’t seem that unusual by then.
My third grade teacher hated me. One day for health class she weighed each of us and called out our weights to the entire class. I think she had an orgasm after she called out mine.
And out of all the wonderful things my grandparents did for me, the thing I remember most about them as a kid was when they tag-team shamed me for being fat, then took me to an ice cream parlor and wondered why I didn’t want anything. Yes, that really happened.
Today I experience body shaming, less with words and more with facial expressions. How dare I look at the candy in the candy aisle! You wore THAT?
At my age, it still hurts to think of those childhood experiences. Just this past week I was in my line dancing group and one of the women in the group gave me one of those looks, like what are YOU doing here? Well, I’m here because this is a health and wellness activity offered by my employer. Did you think only young, skinny women were allowed to attend? But it has bothered me since, and I’ve had to spend several days reminding myself that what I’m feeling is not just her ridicule, but 50 years of body shaming victimization.
The response from you haters out there will invariably be, “Well, if you don’t want me to make fun of you, don’t be fat!” Oh no, I’m not falling for that. If my weight was smack-dab in the middle of normal, you’d find some other reason to make fun of me. One of my ears is lower than the other. My feet are too big. My hair is frizzy. My clothes are funny. You’d always find SOME REASON to laugh at me.
.
I guess I could give it back to you and make fun of you. I don’t want to carry all that anger and bitterness around. I want to be well, not let those old wounds continue to fester.
But when I see women making fun of other women, it infuriates me, because no woman should have to feel what I feel just because she doesn’t fit into someone else’s made-up idea of what she should be.
So to you women who think you have a right to shame other women, I say this:
.
Who the fuck do you think you are? If a woman chooses to not wear a bra, it is her legal right to do so. If she wants to wear her hair purple, her shorts up to her butt cheeks, or not shave her legs, it’s legal. It’s fine. And if she doesn’t wear a size zero, that’s OK too.
She doesn’t deserve to be raped because what she wears or how she looks. She doesn’t deserve your snide comments or sideways glances. And you absolutely have no right to post a photo of her to social media. So quit shaming your sisters and mind your own damn business. After all, you probably already know how much it hurts to bear the brunt of that shaming, so why do you think it’s OK to do it to someone else?
.
Would it kill you to be nice to each other every once in awhile?
Dogpaddling Through Life 
I don’t like this “judging a book by the cover”-looks. beauty is in the eye of the beholder and I rather would be friends with people who will not fit to the philosophy of some peeps than to be surrounded by model-snakes…
Those are the people who are far more interesting, because they actually live their lives!
yep… and they live their own lives and not that of a paris or a kim or a miley&whatnot :o)
Women can become like pack animals when they get on social media..or in a group hanging around in shops..thing is they go for their own..i hate that attitude toward anyone..for me ugly is an attitude or action..i have been slim..i am heavier now..no difference to who i am..but if you fling enough shit at another then all eyes are off you aren’t they..so people can’t see how shallow scared and insignificant you are.In a world so full of hate you would think that a non bra wearer would be the least of anyones problems..not like a first world issue…guess some women are just too scared to find a real cause to get behind..pathetic really
I agree. I think it’s the same as those who side with a bully to keep themselves from being the next victim. They are to be pitied for their weakness.
Absolutely..weakness is not something i admire…
With social media a new industry has bloomed. Back in the old days you had to look someone in the eye to insult them. Now you can do it anonymously to someone you don’t even know. There are people who can only feel good about themselves when they put someone else down. You were a pretty child. What your adult relatives did was awful. Kids struggle for self esteem without put downs from people they love.
Thank you. It is something I still deal with. And yes, today we can shame people to the whole world anonymously.
Well said!
Thanks.
How sad. And you’re absolutely right. No one should shame others like that. And you know what? You don’t even look fat in those photos.
Thanks.But so what if I did? Fat, like most things related to women, seems to be subjective.
Exactly. Everyone should be allowed to look any way they want.
You are absolutely right on there,People like that really piss me off.Perhaps if we were all nicer to each other the world would be in a better state than it is now.this is why I much prefer animals…no nit picking about what you do,how you look and the rest!xx Rachel
oh, speedyrabbit…we must be related…animals are my best friends…especially toward the end of my life…just wishing I had realized that earlier….have saved lots of geese from gassing and many pigs from wrestling at fairs and I never give up on a feral cat or a manic dog these days…the meaning of life for me….
You do wonders for those you help xx
I agree with speedy rabbit – you make an incredible difference
thanks, speedy and roy!!!
Well said!
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Go girl
Sent from my iPhone
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I don’t understand why people even read hateful things written about them on social media by haters who have no lives of their own. Ignore them.
I was reading it because it linked to a relative, and since my brother is a cop, I thought he might be involved. I got this instead.
Thank you for sharing your story! This is a very important message
And one that is all too common.
Right on, sister!
Several years ago I saw a “Dilbert” cartoon where he dated a super-model. She was just a skeleton – literally! At one point he took her out to a nice restaurant where she had a glass of water as an appetizer and said she’d “inhale the breath mints” on her way out. I think Scott Adams wasn’t just making fun of the “super-model” type, but trying to make a point about physical beauty.
More people should teach their kids about not being the ‘mean girl’ and less people should tell children constantly {generally as an introductory comment} ‘you are beautiful’. When people say it to Love Bug I straight away respond with ‘yes, she is beautiful on the inside – she’s kind and inclusive and caring’ – because that is the message I want her to grow up with. Nothing to do with how she looks!
Nothing wrong with being beautiful on the outside- as long as that’s not the only beauty you possess.
Good lord. Excellent post!
fabulous…I can identify like nobody’s business…for 70 years now…
What has caused us pain makes us more caring when it happens ot others.
Oh I don’t know. Some people use pain to make them a better person. Some don’t.
I’m currently being bullied/slandered by a stranger over the Internet. I’m pretty sure it’s a woman because of comments made about my appearance. I’m sure I never met her, and she never met me either because I couldn’t give two shits what anyone thinks about how I look anymore! But how damn sad it is that I can make a gender guess based on her attempts at body shaming me.
That is terrible! Is there anything we blogger friends can do to help?
It was only once on the blog, now it is all FB. Sigh. I’m looking for a Mr Robot to help! Know any hackers?
Sadly, no, but I’m sure there are some within our community that do.
I commend and admire you. Each of us has the right to choose what it is we do in life and how we look…to ourselves…not to others. Families of origin can be the worse sometimes at giving negative criticism. Children take it to heart and it is a hurtful thing to do. Take care. Thank You!
I would love to share your work on my magazine – iammagazine.me – its about celebrating the beauty and power of all women. Written for women by women. Let me know if you are interested