Living in the Shadow of Men

Within the past week:

A man in north Alabama shot and killed his wife and then himself.

An Oregon man beat his wife to death, shot his three children in the head, set their home on fire and then killed himself.

A Texas plumber shot and killed his wife and her elderly father, then set their home on fire and killed himself.

In South Carolina a man shot and killed two of his children, their mother, and later himself.

In Pennsylvania, a man shot and killed his paramour, then himself, in a bedroom while their 1-year-old child was in the room. The child was not physically harmed.

I could list more. There are more. Plenty more.

by David Hayward at


Power and control. 

Our society still operates under the idea that men should have the power and control women. Yes, here in the US.

Don’t think so? Then why are a majority male Congress and majority male state legislatures passing laws restricting a woman’s right to choose what happens to her own body? Oh, and with the blessing of religious institutions who are run by males.

Why are most business CEOs male? Why is it so much harder for a woman to move up the path to senior leadership of an organization?  Why do we tolerate bosses who treat female employees like servants while talking to the male employees like buds? Oh, but there’s no discrimination here. Move along. Whatever.

From a great blog post by Leah Weitz. Read it then the comments beneath. See what we’re up against?

And why do we pressure our girls to marry and become mothers, like all women should aspire to this. No. Some of us want something out of life other than to take care of men and children. We are not elitist snobs because we choose something different, just as mothers are not saints.

My sisters out there reading this, you are a worthy person just because you are. You don’t have to put up with men’s shit be it at work, home, or anywhere else. Period. If the situation is abusive, get out. Don’t tell me you can’t. Find a way. Get out. Then run as far and as fast as you can and don’t look back.

To my sisters out there who perpetuate these patriarchal  systems because “it’s always been this way,” or because you think since you did OK by marrying well that ALL women should do the same and it’s THEIR fault if they didn’t: Your lack of empathy is frustrating. You got lucky, either because of the family you was born into or because you married a decent guy. Do you not get that the woman you’re helping to oppress could have been you? Or does the Xanax block that out along with that trapped feeling you thought was depression or anxiety. Whatever. If you won’t help them, at least don’t harm your sisters.

Sexism- editorial concept art by Magoz

And to my brothers: If you are woke, you’re still not off the hook. You know you benefit from male privilege. Your silence speaks volumes, as do the hidden porn bookmarks on your browser.

If you are one of the majority  who don’t see a problem and, after all, God said you could be in charge, cut it out. You don’t deserve to have a woman submit to you. You don’t deserve to have a woman remain pretty for you, cook for you, clean your house, fuck you when you’re horny, and raise your children to be perfect angels so you can look good to everybody else. And when you don’t get your way, be it a promotion or a divorce, you don’t deserve to get to kill her because you’re suicidal. I hope there is such a thing as karma and your next life is spent as a woman having to put up with shit from men like you. That you DO deserve. Maybe then you’ll become woke too.

BTW, don’t give me that shit about women dish it out also. Even the most powerless man has more power than a woman. Besides, if you are putting up with a woman’s shit, you get to see what it’s like for women every day all day long. Learn from it and get woke.

If you learn nothing else from me, learn this: a penis does not entitle men to belittle or take advantage of women. It entitles you to nothing. A vagina does not mean a life sentence of submission. Only when we change our societal views about a woman’s role within it can women be truly safe. Until then, we women are not even safe within our own homes. 


18 thoughts on “Living in the Shadow of Men

  1. Back in 2008, I told my husband, given the choice, Americans would rather elect ANY man rather than a woman. No matter how qualified the woman. 2016 demonstrated that in spades. 😦

    1. Yeah. It’s crazy. In most every job I’ve had, I’ve been treated contemptuously because I was a woman with a backbone. Oh, don’t get me wrong, they loved using the hell out of me to get the work done. They just weren’t going to give me credit for it. Some things never change.

  2. I had a chat with my dad on Christmas over Skype and we was talking about the election,He was horrified that Trump got in,said he was an affront to humanity male and female a like,and I said to him I don’t understand how some one with all the Bankruptcy scandal he has been through,the outstanding court cases he had against him and the sexual allegations he had against him could even stand for being the President and my dad replied only in America could that happen.In the UK somebody with all that hanging over them just wouldn’t be allowed to stand as an MP or Prime Minister,he would just get lynched and hounded in to stepping down because the people just wouldn’t stand for that kind of behavior.Don’t get me wrong our politicians aren’t perfect but there are certain standards we expect from those that govern us in the UK and he just doesn’t measure up.I just hope that you are able to get him out after this term assuming that he doesn’t get impeached in the mean time.Because I don’t think he is the sort of person who will give up that power when the time comes just because he’s told he has to.I really wish you all the luck in the world,because we are all going to need it I think. xx Rachel

    1. Trump is easy to focus on, but the real problem is that enough people voted for someone like that to put him in office. What does it say about our society?

      1. I know that’s why I couldn’t understand how some one like that could even stand for President.It’s like a lot of people in your society just have no standards or they are just so insane to think that its ok to behave like that or both…..and that is really scary.I t just wouldn’t happen here,we would just tell some one like that to bugger off and that we ain’t having that kind of behavior in our government.I guess we kinda say it like it is blunt and to the point.xx Rachel

    1. Good for you! And thanks for supporting your sisters. When I was a teen, Planned Parenthood provided me with reproductive health care and birth control without requiring my parents to sign forms or be present. Thanks have changed a lot, but it made a big difference in my life.

  3. I’ve been reading a great comic called ‘Bitch Planet’, I highly recommend you look it up. Proudly Non-Compliant. Equality, Equity, Justice!

  4. Bravo/brava, Rump & Jen. Being a Sunday School teacher, it is my duty to inform girls of the COMPLETE Scripture that speaks of submission. It does not say that women should BE submissive–which is totally different from what chauvinists like to push. It says that a couple should submit to each other. It goes further to explain that a man should lift up a woman and love her as he loves himself because just as you would not hurt yourself, you should not hurt a woman. So guys who misuse and abuse women by saying “because I am a man and you must do what I say just because I say it” they are wrong and misquoting the Bible. Sure back in antiquity, the society was even more extremely patriarchal than it is now but even Christ defied some of those traditions by actually talking to women, gentiles, Sumerians, tax collectors, and all sorts of people whom were deemed unworthy of talking “to” rather than “at.” On top of that, my being Christian in the United States does not mean that I believe that all Christians should belong to the far right way of thinking. To say that Christianity belonged to the GOP far right was a political ploy pulled by Nixon for his own political strategy and folks have been drinking that particular Kool-aid ever since. That is why the abortion “issue” becomes a smoke screen during election time and not at any other time in between for supposed pro-lifers. (Same folks who call for the death penalty in out incarceration capitol of the world). That way supports that however white males want to interpret Scripture to maintain White male privilege is hunky-dory. I don’t I believe that this country it set up on the principle that one should be free to be of any religion or not a part of any religion as a right to being a citizen in a supposedly FREE country. Being a female of African descent, I have been told that I would not be so free if Christian people had not taken my ancestors from African and introduced Christ, to which I reply, “The Albino Jesus on your church sanctuary said my great-great-great grandpa should be kidnapped and forced to be a slave in order to be free? Gimme a break.” Then that same ilk is that which will despise my being educated and knowing my subject matter as I am a threat as a female and doubly so for being wrapped in brown skin and apparently not knowing my place.

    1. I think I’d probably like your church. I’ve had a problem with Christianity- not all Christians, but many who use God and Jesus as an excuse for doing what they want to do. Following Old Testament Law is almost impossible today, but picking and choosing the parts that support your biases is easy. And for all the talk about what Jesus doesn’t like, I’ve read everything in the Bible related to what Jesus said and did, and I’ve never once come across his treating women, people of different races or nationalities, or different beliefs any differently than he did his own disciples.

      As for our girls and young women today, it is vital that we “elders” (not calling us old, but we do have a bit more life experience than them) speak the truth to them so they can know there’s more to life than looking good and attracting a man. In the end, the most important thing is how we love ourselves, because if Christ resides anywhere, Christ resides within. At least, that’s how I read the scriptures.

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