I’ve been tweaking my resume, and there’s a skill I possess that I’m not quite sure how to address.
I’m good at dealing with shit.
I can scoop it, shovel it, pick it up outside, pick it up inside, remove and replace the diaper within which it resides, regularly clean the receptacles that receive it, clean practically any surface that receives some that misses its’ mark, and take appropriate preventative steps to avoid having to clean it up so often.
From my younger days cleaning up convenience store bathrooms (yes, people do some horrible things in public restrooms) to my adventures with an elderly cat who is not going gentle into that good night, I’ve seen a lot.
I regularly monitor it to decide, based on what is observed, if the gifter is in good health. If not, I know a variety of techniques to get that shit back to where it needs to be.
I have over 20 years of experience practicing these skills numerous times daily- I’m available to deal with it 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, including holidays. I have been wakened from a sound sleep on many occasions to handle it. And my garbage can is typically full of it come pick-up day.
In addition, I’m also good at handling a variety of body fluids, including urine, blood, and hair balls.
So, dear readers, would you not agree this is a valuable and well-honed skill?
Cleaning up messes sounds gross, but it does get at the root of the real skill I have, and that is I get things done. Messy? Difficult? Requires finesse? No worries. You ask me to do it and it’ll happen, unless there’s no way in hell it can. Several weeks ago I was assigned the task of retrieving records others had been trying to obtain for over a month; I had them in three hours. I’m good like that.
Saying I’m a go-getter, a mover, one who makes things happen sounds so practiced, so fake. And, to be honest, many of those doing the hiring don’t like it when a woman sounds too confident.
So perhaps instead I should say I’m good at getting shit done. You think those doing the hiring will be intrigued?