I Can Really Go After Shit…

I’ve been tweaking my resume, and there’s a skill I possess that I’m not quite sure how to address.

I’m good at dealing with shit. 

I can scoop it, shovel it, pick it up outside, pick it up inside, remove and replace the diaper within which it resides, regularly clean the receptacles that receive it, clean practically any surface that receives some that misses its’ mark, and take appropriate preventative steps to avoid having to clean it up so often.

From my younger days cleaning up convenience store bathrooms (yes, people do some horrible things in public restrooms) to my adventures with an elderly cat who is not going gentle into that good night, I’ve seen a lot.

You do WHAT with my poop???
I regularly monitor it to decide, based on what is observed, if the gifter is in good health. If not, I know a variety of techniques to get that shit back to where it needs to be.

I have over 20 years of experience practicing these skills numerous times daily- I’m available to deal with it 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, including holidays. I have been wakened from a sound sleep on many occasions to handle it. And my garbage can is typically full of it come pick-up day.

In addition, I’m also good at handling a variety of body fluids, including urine, blood, and hair balls.

So, dear readers, would you not agree this is a valuable and well-honed skill? 

I would! But then, I’d say anything if you had a cookie in your hand.

Cleaning up messes sounds gross, but it does get at the root of the real skill I have, and that is I get things done. Messy? Difficult? Requires finesse? No worries. You ask me to do it and it’ll happen, unless there’s no way in hell it can. Several weeks ago I was assigned the task of retrieving records others had been trying to obtain for over a month; I had them in three hours. I’m good like that.

Saying I’m a go-getter, a mover, one who makes things happen sounds so practiced, so fake. And, to be honest, many of those doing the hiring don’t like it when a woman sounds too confident.

So perhaps instead I should say I’m good at getting shit done. You think those doing the hiring will be intrigued?

Hey! I just gave you another opportunity to hone those skills.

29 thoughts on “I Can Really Go After Shit…

  1. So, you’re saying you take care of shit? I had one of those mornings the other day…….with Jamima! Begging me to question if she had had a rough start to the day? Skid marks from the kitty litter tray half-way to the toilet, with 3 small pebbles left blocking my path to the toilet. So glad I put the light on when I got up to ‘Go!’ And it’s what amuses us and one of their endearing qualities! So happy you have such skills also! 😳

  2. we are poop-watchers too… and I even take a photo when it looks strange to me… just to have something I can show the vet… hope I never will lose my phone, the (un)lucky finder would get a shock when opening my poop gallery :o)

  3. Making connections between – recognizing similarities of different situations – seeing how effort in one situation transfers into another situation (and is valuable).
    Yep, that is very definitely worth something. (attention to detail, cause and effect, dependable…being an alert caretaker who believe in being proactive to prevent issues – why not worth a mention….if others can use raising children, keeping a household, volunteering as demonstrating abilities and potential, why not animal husbandry, too? Only fair. Shit is life. HA HA)

      1. Anyone who can manage species with different needs and lifestyles – and keep everyone in a healthy positive environment brings excellent organizational, analytical, and negotiating skills to any table.
        Perspective and word choices (and reality)

  4. Everywhere needs someone to clean up when that stuff hits the fan! As it always does as some point.

    My biped wants to know if you have any tips for dealing with puke without joining in – she’s still working on that one. 🙂

  5. I think this ALL THE TIME. Seriously. It’s such an under-appreciated skill. We should start a movement like LeanIn but maybe call it People Who Get Shit Done? I think you are onto something here Jen.

  6. In formal lexicon it’s known as “crisis management.” But “dealing with shit” is an equally apt description and might actually get you more than a few call-backs. Hey, if Donald Trump can get away with rugged language, so can you!

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