If Rumpy Went to Work for Me…

Friday I had a conversation with my dog. It went something like this:

ME: Rumpy, I don’t want to go to work today. Why don’t you go for me?

Rumpy: *blank stare*

 

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Yeah, good one, Jen.

But it got me thinking. What if I could send in a surrogate for me on days I’m just not feeling it? Like Rumpy, or June Buggie, or *gasp* even Hissy Fit Jones?

It would probably look something like this.

Rumpy would bound out of the elevator and rush up to each person he sees, give them a good morning woo, lick their hand, then steal whatever food they don’t have a firm grip on and run away. After he greets everyone, he’ll go to his cubicle, curl up underneath the desk and take a nap.

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Shhhh!!!! It’s time for my morning sleep!

Around lunchtime he’ll head outside, pee on the sidewalk to mark his new territory, then check out all the people there. Homeless? Fancy suit? Tourist? He doesn’t care. Everybody gets the same treatment. He’ll have so much fun he’ll forget to go back to work after lunch, but once he realizes it’s time to go he’ll rush to catch his ride home, sticking his head out the window the entire way.

June Buggie would insist on being carried to his desk, then immediately slink away to search the entire area. He’ll find an obscure place to hide until lunchtime, when the smell of food will lure him to the break room area. There he’ll jump up on the table and meow mercilessly until someone gives him something to eat. Don’t bother trying to swat him down; he’ll get right back up again.

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Diligence is my middle name, and you’ll get the middle claw if you don’t shut up!

After lunch, he’ll look for a box of important papers in which to take a poop. Because he’ll want all his new friends to know it was him, he’ll refuse to cover. Then he’ll slink around the place, scaring the bejesus out of people who aren’t expecting him to bounce up on their desk. Come time to leave, he won’t come when called, but will run out any door left open and may or may not catch his ride home. If he doesn’t, he’ll be hanging out in some touristy bar flirting with the drunks, then taking their money.

And what would the elusive Hissy Fit Jones do?

 

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I can’t come in today; I horked up a hairball.

Call in.

 

38 thoughts on “If Rumpy Went to Work for Me…

  1. hahaha this is hilarious!Can you imagine Speedy going to work?he would spend most of the day having a good old romp about sticking his nose in god knows what with every one chasing around to stop in doing things he shouldn’t but looking oh so adorable whilst he was doing it.and all you would hear is laughter all day long….it would be one happy day though with smiles everywhere!xx Rachel and Speedy

  2. Very interesting post Jen! While I was reading, I imagined the each scene you mentioned, that made me feel as if I had been watching film! Much funnier than Pixer or Walt Disney! 😊🐱🐶

  3. Or I can’t come in today I need to have 2 hourly feedings so I can fatten up my fur-child. Remember those days you could just tell the boss you had period pain & he was so old-school he would just shoo you away. And probably mark his calendar waiting for the next day you wouldn’t make it to work!

  4. Bwahahaha! We loved your writeups for what Rumpy and June Buggie would do, but the one for Hissy Fit Jones nearly made me shoot my morning coffee out of my nose. 😀

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