We adults act like we can take anything life throws at us. And while most of us can, it doesn’t mean we’ll come out the other end unscathed.
I vacuumed out my car yesterday afternoon for the first time since Rumpy’s diagnosis. Why did I wait two weeks?
Maybe for the same reason I didn’t pick up the dog poop in the yard after DeDe’s passing. I didn’t want to throw away anything that belonged to her, even her poo.
I didn’t vacuum the car because I don’t want to take anything Rumpy shares with me for granted.
I reminded myself now, as I did then, that dog hair in the car or dog poop in the yard does not change reality. And my having to deal with clothes covered in dog hair before walking into work does not show how much I do or don’t love Rumpy, just as a yard cleared of dog poop didn’t mean I loved DeDe any less.
I have to remind myself to practice self-care. Taking vitamins, keeping dry skin hydrated, and eating healthy don’t come immediately to mind, but need to still happen. I don’t want to cook. I want to just grab something that’s quick and easy.
One convenient comfort food I partake of almost daily is homemade vegetable stock. Homemade stock is easy to make, provides good nutrition and is surprisingly comforting. I heat up a mug each morning and sip on the drive into work.I use the stock as a base for a quick soup and use instead of water when cooking instant rice or quinoa. But I prefer to drink it hot. To me, drinking a cup of hot broth feels like a lazy Saturday afternoon on the sofa under a coverlet reading a favorite book.
I feel guilty doing something that feels so good at a time when Rumpy is unwell, like how could I want to feel so good when my dog is dying?
We each grieve differently. Mumma and Love Bug are mourning in their way for beloved Bella who has an inoperable tumor. A Facebook friend has learned her husky has a mass on or near her pancreas after she went from happy and playing to hardly moving.
What we must do to cope is unique to each of us. I don’t know what’s right for you. You don’t know what’s right for me. I’m not sure I know what’s right for me either, but I am going to do what I feel is best for me, and respect Rumpy’s decisions as to what he wants.