Alabama’s got some of the nicest folks you’ll ever wanna meet living here.
Got your hands full? Somebody’s gonna offer to hold the door for you, and also to help you carry your load.
Flat tire? Somebody’s gonna pull over and offer to help you out.
Having a rough go of it? I guarantee somebody’s gonna be praying for you, whether you know it or not.
So how is it that people who are so good can also be so fucking cruel?
Do you know who Roy Moore is? No? Don’t come out from under that rock much, do you?
Roy Moore is the Republican candidate for the US Senate seat made vacant when Jeff Sessions became
Trump’s stooge US Attorney General. Then-governor Robert Bentley appointed Alabama Attorney General Luther Strange to the seat until a special election could be held. But Alabamians thought there was something fishy in Big Luther’s appointment, because Luther Strange was SUPPOSED to have been investigating Governor Bentley for abuse of public resources to hide an affair he was having.
In the GOP primary the good people of Alabama voiced their displeasure with Big Luther by voting for Roy Moore to be the GOP candidate.
Roy Moore is a colorful character. He’s been Chief Justice of the Alabama Supreme Court twice, and both times he was removed from office for not following the law. Yet despite that blemish on Roy Moore’s resume, Alabamians felt he’d do a good job of representing them in the US Senate.
Roy Moore thinks he’d do a good job too. That’s why he brings his Bible… and a gun… with him when he gives speeches. He is a fire a brimstone conservative Christian who says the laws of man must not be obeyed if they disagree with the laws of God. Of course, Moore kinda makes up laws on God’s behalf as he goes along.
Democratic candidate Doug Jones is also a Christian. He previously served as US Attorney in Birmingham. During his tenure he reopened the Birmingham church bombing case and his work led to the conviction of two Klansman for the murders of four young girls during that 1963 act of domestic terrorism.
Alabamians believe Roy Moore would be a better US Senator than Doug Jones. Not because of Jones’ faith. Not because of his resume. Not because he doesn’t carry a gun and a Bible everywhere he goes. But because of Jones’ party affiliation.
Yes, dear reader, Alabamians would vote for a twice-fired judge like Moore who, we have learned this week, allegedly molested a 14-year-old girl (and dated teenagers when he was in his 30s), over a good, moral man like Jones… because Jones is a Democrat. Seems in Alabama being a Democrat is a greater crime than molesting a child.
Despite calls from National GOP leaders for him to step aside, Alabama GOP leaders continue to stand behind Roy Moore. Mobile County GOP Chair John Skipper called Moore a, “sincere, honest, trustworthy individual,” and Bibb County GOP Chair Jerry Pow said he’d vote for Moore even if he did molest the girl. Alabama Auditor Jim Zeigler compared Roy Moore rubbing his almost-naked 32-year-old body against the almost-naked body of a 14-year-old child to the relationship between Joseph and Mary. I personally don’t get it; I thought Jesus was born to a virgin, but now we learn that all that time Joseph had actually been dry-humping Mary. Hmmmm….
My 90-something year old great-aunt loves Roy Moore, but she suffers from dementia. The rest of the state has no excuse.
A poll conducted since the child molestation allegations were published have the two candidates tied. Two days ago Roy Moore had a double digit lead.
But Alabamians are stupid, so don’t put it past us to put a child molester in office. My only comfort is in knowing that if that happens, we’ll get what we deserve: shame and humiliation so deep that rhubarb pie can’t erase the taste from our mouths.