Oh Alabama, You Hurt Me So…

Alabama’s got some of the nicest folks you’ll ever wanna meet living here. 

alabama map
from Alabamamaps.ua.edu

Got your hands full? Somebody’s gonna offer to hold the door for you, and also to help you carry your load.

Flat tire? Somebody’s gonna pull over and offer to help you out.

Having a rough go of it? I guarantee somebody’s gonna be praying for you, whether you know it or not.

So how is it that people who are so good can also be so fucking cruel?

al sign
posted to Twitter by @Fox6Clare

Do you know who Roy Moore is? No? Don’t come out from under that rock much, do you?

Roy Moore is the Republican candidate for the US Senate seat made vacant when Jeff Sessions became Trump’s stooge US Attorney General. Then-governor Robert Bentley appointed Alabama Attorney General Luther Strange to the seat until a special election could be held. But Alabamians thought there was something fishy in Big Luther’s appointment, because Luther Strange was SUPPOSED to have been investigating Governor Bentley for abuse of public resources to hide an affair he was having.

In the GOP primary the good people of Alabama voiced their displeasure with Big Luther by voting for Roy Moore to be the GOP candidate.

moore gun
Screenshot of video taken of Roy Moore at a campaign rally in September of this year.

Roy Moore is a colorful character. He’s been Chief Justice of the Alabama Supreme Court twice, and both times he was removed from office for not following the law. Yet despite that blemish on Roy Moore’s resume, Alabamians felt he’d do a good job of representing them in the US Senate.

Roy Moore thinks he’d do a good job too. That’s why he brings his Bible… and a gun… with him when he gives speeches. He is a fire a brimstone conservative Christian who says the laws of man must not be obeyed if they disagree with the laws of God. Of course, Moore kinda makes up laws on God’s behalf as he goes along.

Democratic candidate Doug Jones is also a Christian. He previously served as US Attorney in Birmingham. During his tenure he reopened the Birmingham church bombing case and his work led to the conviction of two Klansman for the murders of four young girls during that 1963 act of domestic terrorism.

from Doug Jones for Senate website

Alabamians believe Roy Moore would be a better US Senator than Doug Jones. Not because of Jones’ faith. Not because of his resume. Not because he doesn’t carry a gun and a Bible everywhere he goes. But because of Jones’ party affiliation.

Yes, dear reader, Alabamians would vote for a twice-fired judge like Moore who, we have learned this week, allegedly molested a 14-year-old girl (and dated teenagers when he was in his 30s), over a good, moral man like Jones… because Jones is a Democrat. Seems in Alabama being a Democrat is a greater crime than molesting a child. 

Despite calls from National GOP leaders for him to step aside, Alabama GOP leaders continue to stand behind Roy Moore. Mobile County GOP Chair John Skipper called Moore a, “sincere, honest, trustworthy individual,” and Bibb County GOP Chair Jerry Pow said he’d vote for Moore even if he did molest the girl. Alabama Auditor Jim Zeigler compared Roy Moore rubbing his almost-naked 32-year-old body against the almost-naked body of a 14-year-old child to the relationship between Joseph and Mary. I personally don’t get it; I thought Jesus was born to a virgin, but now we learn that all that time Joseph had actually been dry-humping Mary. Hmmmm….

My 90-something year old great-aunt loves Roy Moore, but she suffers from dementia. The rest of the state has no excuse. 

A poll conducted since the child molestation allegations were published have the two candidates tied. Two days ago Roy Moore had a double digit lead.

But Alabamians are stupid, so don’t put it past us to put a child molester in office. My only comfort is in knowing that if that happens, we’ll get what we deserve: shame and humiliation so deep that rhubarb pie can’t erase the taste from our mouths.


43 thoughts on “Oh Alabama, You Hurt Me So…

  1. That’s an awfully small gun Moore is holding! I’d say that was part of the problem, but I try not to stoop that low. Blind loyalty to a political party is akin to blind devotion to a particular faith: both are inherently dangerous because they imply the individual must accept everything put before them and not question it. I often feel the same about Texas voters, due to vise grip the GOP has on the state legislature here. But then I remember that not only do most Texans not vote, the Republicans have had the election maps rigged for more than a decade.

    I wouldn’t be surprised if Moore make into the U.S. Senate. I mean, if a grand creep like Donald Trump can do it, anybody could!

    1. Y’know? I had the same thought. He needs him one of those big ol’ Republican style guns. If that is, guns represent what we both appear to agree they mean. 🙂

  2. I would like to say I am surprised by the mindset coming out of Alabama but it is the home of Sessions and the birthplace of Mitch McConnell so not surprised. I used to call it home too so I feel like the “Farmers Insurance Commercial” when we talk about Alabama I have seen a thing or two when I lived there.

  3. I just don’t get how in the US politicians can be up to their next in this sort of scandal and still run for a seat yet in the UK they are forced to resign or get the sack from their positions….Kind make you think about things doesn’t it?xx Rachel

      1. Sadly, America is run by a bunch of old rich men so no surprize there….?

        Happily, that may be changing if recent elections are any indicator. Women, non-white, and regular citizens are on the rise and I hope it stays that way. We need the diversity and voices we currently lack in our politics.

  4. I do hope Doug Jones gets elected one day As you say, the people of Alabama are so lovely (I have super friends originally from Birmingham, now living in England). Why can’t they open their eyes and minds? Pip and the boys

  5. I retired and moved here in 2007. I’m continually amazed at rampant stupidity. Now they are trying to find a way to postpone election, which will only hurt Doug Jones.
    There are wonderful people here. But there are a lot of xenophobic homophobes, and now a pedophile running for a Senate seat.

  6. Tribalism at its very worst. How anyone of sound mind can pick a pedophile over someone who prosecuted Klansmen is beyond me.The Republican party has veered so far out of its lane. I can only imagine Abraham Lincoln, Teddy Roosevelt, even their sainted Ronald Reagan must be rolling in their graves. As an American, I am so very ashamed at what we as a nature are becoming in the name of party.

    1. And yet a poll taken since Thursday’s revelation reveals that almost 40% of evangelicals say they are MORE likely to vote for Moore now. What is it about religion that makes some people do such ridiculous things?

      1. Since they are likewise supportive of the molester in chief as well, I’m not surprised. Our politics are so messed up these days. The letter following a candidates’s name seems to be the only thing that matters. 😬

  7. So, from this article can I assume that you don’t believe in the basics of American law; “innocent until proven guilty”? I believe everyone accused recently: Podesta, Weinstein, Trump, Moore, all deserve their day in court as do their alleged victims. These are serious allegations that should be taken seriously. Thanks!

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