I am a very angry person. Most of that anger is directed toward men. For those of you who’ve read me awhile, it’s my own personal “open secret.”
I like anger because it’s powerful. It keeps others at bay and keeps me safe. And it covers for all that hurt I feel inside.
I have had many opportunities to sit with others and share their pain.
I listened to teenage boys talk of how they desperately wanted to get out of lock-up, not for themselves, but for their younger siblings for whom they had been the primary caregiver and now they feared no one was making sure they eat or go to school.
I watched young boys and girls get their hopes up when their parents talked about wanting them back home only to have those hopes dashed when they realized it wasn’t the child they wanted, but the SSI check that followed the child.
I have sat with women who had been severely beaten, or listened to their children describe beatings their mother had suffered at the hands of a man who claimed to love her. One that stands out in my mind is of a 3 year old child telling me about watching his mama’s boyfriend hit his mama and knock her to the floor, then kick his mama repeatedly.
More than one woman has told me about having a gun held to her head, convinced her life would end in that moment.
One woman was very badly beaten by her ex-husband. One of her eyes was blackened and swollen. One arm was covered in bruises such that it was more dark purple than not. He’d punched her in the stomach so hard she had bruises there. He’d pulled her hair out in bunches. Her clothes were torn. Her body was so stiff and sore she could hardly move. And he did all this in front of his 3 teenage children. The woman had gone to her ex-husband’s home after her daughter called and said that her father had hit her. After she was able to get the children and herself out of there, she called local law enforcement, but she was not hopeful that anything would become of it.
When I was younger and still filled with hope and idealism, I sought to move up the career ladder, not because I wanted the power and prestige, but because I wanted to be in a position to really make a difference for those who hurt. But the farther I went, the more disillusioned I became. I didn’t see people who wanted to help others. I saw people playing power games. Impressing politicians. Kissing the ass of the upper echelon to move up. Saying the right things. Wearing the right clothes. Doing whatever it took to get noticed.
All the showmanship angers me, and, well, I haven’t handled it well. I’d find another job along the same career line and hang out there until I was again disgusted with what I saw. My resume shows me changing jobs ever 3-4 years. But nothing ever really changed. And nothing ever really will within those systems. But I can’t yet bring myself to leave social work behind. It’s as though I keep hoping this time it will be different, even though I already know it won’t.
.
The anger keeps me moving. Watching all these ridiculous people play their power games is a powerful motivator. Roy Moore and his supporters motivate me so much that I may save the world single-handed by the time that election comes around.
I’d rather be angry than feel the gut-wrenching hurt of knowing once again we are not believed, and while his victims have quietly carried their pain for years, their perp has enjoyed the limelight, and may very well win yet again.
Dogpaddling Through Life 
Anger is motivating. It beats depression. You have every right to be angry. I wish I had something more useful to say.
Validation is very useful. Thank you.
I really missed Rumpydog and his siblings with the past blogs. I also really enjoyed looking at his cute face whenever he had something to say.
I was hoping to hear if he went over the rainbow bridge that there would be someone to speak their mind and carry on. I know his siblings were not all healthy and they would also pass on too. I would hope Rumpydog could have a successor to his throne. He could get more across as a canine than a lot of humans can.
Just one request though. Please don’t throw all men and social workers into the garbage disposer. Not all of them are selfish, greedy, and egotistical to say it politely.
Bark bark. Meow meow!
Thanks for dissing my blog post. If you don’t like it, don’t read it.
The whole reason I started the blog in Rumpy’s voice is I knew people didn’t want to hear anything I had to say. I finally dare speak with my own voice, and I’m not turning back.
I know the feeling, Jen. My anger is directed towards…well, just about everybody. Humanity, in general, I should say. Indeed, anger can be a great motivational tool. But you’ve obviously done more than just get angry; you’ve gotten involved. You’ve tried to make a difference. In the end, when you’ve given it your very best, you haven’t failed. I used to tell my father it’s not that he wasn’t ambitious or stupid; he did what he was supposed to do in this world, and the world still fucked him over. He ultimately got what he wanted, though: a relatively comfortable life and a loving family.
Regardless, what goes around comes around. All those people who didn’t treat you with respect or take you seriously will face their own crap at some point in the future.
Look what’s happening to Roy Moore. All that shit he did all these years ago is now coming back to haunt him. It always does in one way or another! It may look like people get away with stuff at first, but ultimately they don’t. Republicans are abandoning Moore faster than the Kardashian girls run from a nightclub that’s run out of gin.
Stay strong and keep fighting!
Politics is local. Alabama has to believe the victims, and right now Roy Moore still has the support of the state Republican Party. The governor said she’d still vote for him. State legislators still support him, as do some pastors.
Anger is so much better than sadness, any day x
It does keep us moving.
anger can be like the engine of a fast car… we only have to look that we can maneuver it properly over the streets of life…
Yeah well there is that. 😀
Thoroughly sickening all round. The more you hear of mass shootings, the perpetrators often have a history of family abuse. Why do they still have guns?
The guy in California had a restraining order against him and was legally supposed to have surrendered his guns. Yet despite neighbors calling them numerous times about the shooting, the police did little.
oh, sharing! right on target! <3!
Thanks.
Anger gets a bad rap. It’s a human emotion we all feel so why not come out with it, like you just communicated. Thank you!
We women are especially told anger is bad and we’re bad if we feel it. It’s not true though.
WOW! your post really resonated with me. I too, get angry when people are subjected to insanity & violence & intimidation. I too used to be so idealistic. Now I am a ‘reluctant realist’ knowing that things have not progressed much since my 20’s. I applaud you for staying committed to being a Social Worker. Even tho’ you may not feel you are doing anything of value; I am SURE you have helped many people along their journeys. It is not unlike Nursing; I rarely knew if all my efforts were of any use & then I’d see the double amputee up & walking with Prosthetics or the Paraplegic ready to go out into the world & live a full life. I could give you many more examples but I won’t belabour the point. What you do is of value & I respect you 150%.
Thank you for sharing your frustration & anger….
And there is NOTHING WRONG with women being angry….we have the same rights as the men!!! 😉
(((hugs))) Sherri-Ellen
Thanks Sherri-Ellen ❤️
These things were so commonplace in my early memories in the 60 and 70s, the butt of jokes, the plots of TV serials, that by the time the 80s came along with sexual harrassment training (another joke–they train you to do it? ha ha hilarious) I was shocked to find out it was wrong and it didn’t have to be part of my future or any other woman’s How many generations do we have to pass to wear this away?
And along a similar vein, we all know males who are violent toward intimate partners and children don’t usually compartmentalize those violent tendencies so they just come out at home. And yet we STILL blame the victim over holding the perpetrator accountable. As for child abuse, women tend to get far worse sentences both in the criminal court system and the court of public opinion than men do.
I like you being angry Jen it is better than crying and getting no where and being angry is also better than being depressed so be angry and there is nothing wrong with talking about men. Angry isn’t bad it just makes men feel bad cause they don’t know how to fit things when we are angry and that is why it is bad. Thank you!!!!
Anger has gotten me far. But the older I get, the quicker it tires me out.
Jen I do understand that…Hope you thanksgiving was good
it is about not doing the DRAMA that is what tires me out…that is for sure. Merry Christmas Jen I hope this new year coming is better for all !! ❤ ❤ ❤
I’m not what the folks at work laugh at me when I say a “social worky” type (keep reading)- but I’m so impressed with the work the people I do work with do. See, I’m the Asst to the Director in a School of Social Work. And every day I watch the professors and instructors work extremely hard to teach ethics to these kids (at my age I can call them kids) who truly want to help people have better lives. And I watch some of these kids go into their field placements and come back excited with what they are doing, and actually get things done while they are still in school. And while I don’t believe all men are bad – some really are awful! I was at a fundraiser recently to fight human trafficking and domestic violence, and the stories were not only heartbreaking but horrifying. And it makes me angry too. And whether you hang in there to help from their perspective of just starting out, or from the anger that is keeping you motivated to right wrongs – you go girl- I believe you are making a difference in peoples lives, and that is inspiring, and you are inspiring.
Anger can be a good tool…it motivates us and keeps us going when nothing else does….better than getting frustrated with your lot in life….you go girl and kick some butt….just remember to to tell us all about it when you do,xx Rachel
You’re on! 👍
I really struggle with anger myself. I was raised by dangerous parent who was very angry. As a result, I learned that anger is dangerous.
Now as an adult, I understand that sometimes anger is the most appropriate response to things that are really wicked. If I had been able to learn how to be angry as a child, I might be a more courageous person now.
So keep being angry about things that are worth being angry about. I find it encouraging to see a woman being angry about things that matter. Thank you. You are a good example and one I appreciate.
Thank you. ❤️
I also learned anger was not an acceptable emotion for women. But working with juvenile justice kids taught me it’s good to be angry sometimes and how to use it as a protective move and also to get your voice heard. To this day I believe that job was the best thing thing that ever happened for me.
Jen, I survived as a social worker for a mere five years before the toxicity of co-workers became unbearable. The changes I desperately saw that were needed never occurred, but I hold on to the fact that every person I counselled or assisted knew they were believed, in that moment I know I removed their doubts about deserving help, seeking help & finding justice. Every soul you touch has been lifted. Thank you Jen. Xo
Funny that the social work school admin gushed about all the positivity in the field. We should take in the field and see how it really works.
Those who work with the disenfranchised are also disenfranchised by association and thus often abuse what little power they do have to feel important. Saw & experienced it too many times. No one talks about it though.
As long as men control the government and the system, things are never going to change no matter the party affiliation. I see it all over and it’s especially apparent in NYC where they elected a “progressive” mayor who’s turned out to be same old, same old only even more corrupt. Not enough people are angry.
Oh but everybody loves your mayor. But that’s all PR.
It’s a horrible world we live in. All we can do is show by example when it’s not acceptable and support those who have been taught to put up with violence…….Cheers,H
Great post.id be angry too and sick at heart, that’s why I don’t have the strength to be a social worker. I admire your grit and commitment
You are amazing and you are making a difference. Maybe not the earth shattering, world altering difference that I think we all hope we will make as children, I know I did. But to the woman you have sat with, the young boys in lock up you have spoken to… I guarantee to them you have made a much bigger difference than you probably realise.
Social work is tough, but being a light in other people’s lives makes all the difference. Control the the things you can control and your anger will lessen.
Thanks but that’s not necessarily true.
Prior to getting help, I was very angry as well. One time I froze on the floor I was so mad. Anger feels like power. It must be understood with reflection. Otherwise, the flame will destroy with you not being able to tame it.