Yella Fella here calling out around the world for HELP!!!
You see, that mean old vet doctor said I had to lose weight, and now I’m on a diet! Jen feeds me twice a day and watches me like a hawk during both meals so I don’t try to sneak off and eat somebody else’s foods. She doesn’t give me treats the way she used to. And to add insult to injury, she has learned to sleep through my most pitiful cries.
Her heart has suddenly turned to stone. I accused her to turning into a Fox News fanatic, but then I remembered we don’t have cable and I had to take it back.
I have tried everything I know to do to keep myself from starvation. I’ve been climbing the cat tree looking for food hidden on the highest levels. I’ve turned to licking the floor. I’ve even lowered my standards to drinking water!
This torture Jen has inflicted on me has already resulted in my losing two pounds, but the vet says I need to lose six more! I don’t think I’ll last that long! Already I’ve developed inflammation in my eyes, which resulted in yet another visit to that horrible vet doctor. This time, though, it’s Jen’s fault. She mowed her mom’s yard, and the vet thinks I’m allergic to something in Granma’s yard cuz two days later both my eyes were red and one was swollen and oozy. Yuck! So now I not only have to starve, but I also have to suffer the torture of having eye drops administered three times a day. That’s practically water torture, people!!!!
I’m not the only cat suffering. Graybie and Little Girl are being force-fed medication. While there have been no more toileting accidents outside the litter box, and no more knock-down, drag-out fights between those two, there have also been things going on that just aren’t natural. For instance, Little Girl actually gave Graybie a few licks on the face yesterday! Jen locks Little Girl in solitary confinement for a few hours each day and she forces Graybie and Little Girl to have an instance of close contact at least once daily.
As for Hissy, he’s being forced to eat his own cat food now. No longer is he allowed to steal bites from mine or Graybie’s bowl. He don’t like it, but after he snuck and got a dose of Graybie’s medicine, he decided he’d never do that again.
So you see, Dear Reader, while these photos may make you THINK we’re all doing well, the truth is we are all in great distress and in desperate need of HELP!
But don’t call the police. Just send treats. In care of me.