The Kavanaugh nomination has elicited in me a response that I did not at all expect: Terror.
Welcome to the politically-generated mass triggering of survivors who are dealing with Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder.
For me it started during the hearing last Thursday, and has been a week of practicing every skill at my disposal to feel what I feel and acknowledge the terror as valid, even if I cannot match a specific memory to the feeling. For you doubters, first of all, fuck off. Then imagine sitting quietly in your home and suddenly feeling like your chest is sporting an open, gaping wound that burns as if it’s on fire while simultaneously experiencing overwhelming fear and having to remind yourself to breathe. Through all that, try to write down your feelings because you don’t want to fucking feel this way for the rest of your life.
I don’t listen to NPR because they, along with every other news site, are all things Trump all the time. I avoid Twitter and Facebook because it’s all there, and each time that Big Orange turd opens his mouth, he triggers me yet again. Oh, and if you are a Trump supporter, fuck off.
My cats have become Emotional Support Companions. Together we sit on the sofa or lie on the bed, and they comfort me. I rub their fur and scratch their chins as their purrs lower my heart rate and calm my anxiety.
I am furious that our pain is being used against us, that we are being mocked and ridiculed. We are still not believed. I am furious that so many survivors are suffering these indignities right now not only at the hands of our elected officials, but with the support of our neighbors. Our (former) friends. Our family members. Once again we’re given the message that our pain doesn’t matter. Suck it up buttercup; it’s for the good of the country. What garbage!
If you are in the same boat as I am, get whatever help and support you need to heal. Stay away from toxic people. And whatever you do, vote in November. Let’s show these misogynistic assholes that we want to live in a world where survivors matter more than perpetrators.
FYI: Some politicians do understand. You’ve heard the sound bite. Now hear Senator Kamela Harris’ entire comments about survivors of sexual assault.
27 thoughts on “The Post-Kavanaugh, PTSD Experience”
I have to mute the TV whenever Trump is on. His voice grates on my nerves and his words perplex me. I am embarrassed for our country. Avoiding him as much as I can is the only thing that keeps me sane. I am aghast at his mocking. I am also upset that his (female) staff say he is not mocking. Do they not hear what I hear. Are my ears special?
Ironically it was Jesus, whom they claim to love more than power and money, who said that those with ears will hear the Holy Spirit (Matthew 11:15). Perhaps your ears aren’t the problem.
Your cats would do a GREAT! job (in running the world) – the no bs look has my vote!!!
You’ve pretty much stated my thoughts and feelings.
And also, your cats are awesome.
I’m sorry you got triggered by what’s going on, like millions of others. I have an intimate understanding of sexual assault on many levels. I did the emergency room forensic exams on women. The fear and trauma are overwhelming and for many the scars lifelong. Take good care. My TV is off.
I’m glad your cats are there to support you. You were right on target with your post.
It is hard to believe that any woman can support the orange menace and the raving lunatic. The animals can only supply some comfort. I need to know that there are still sane people in this country.
And yet almost half of all white women do. So fucking stupid.
ditto, ditto, ditto! perfect! so I am not the only one about to have a heart attack regarding misogyny…even in my very own living room mind you!
We are legion. And we vote.
I can only hope the women of SC are taking notes for 2020 when Lindsey is up for reelection. Miserable pig.
Washington DC is full of them. They need to all go home.
It is clear Trump has learnt nothing from the Me Too movement! I really hope you don’t suffer his leadership another term. Your pain is felt even from here. Just breathe. Cheers,H
Here’s hoping a lot of old white people die or otherwise become too incapacitated to vote in 2020.
The whole process has been jawdroppingly shocking. Trump, ghastly apology for a human being although he undoubtedly is, is just a symptom. When I saw footage of his supporters laughing and cheering as he mocked Dr Christine Blasey Ford I realised if it weren’t him, it’d be someone just as bad. He will disappear, it is the challenge of changing those supporters into empathetic people that we must face. In the meantime, remember you are not alone. Thousands of peop,e around the globe have watched these events with outrage and horror. We are mustering. Change will come.
Nice thought, but I see little hope I’m changing those bigots’ minds.
I’m a wimpy liberal, but even wimpy liberals globally reach a point where we are angry. I feel a rumbling. I don’t think it’ll be pretty, I don’t think it’ll be nice, but I think it will happen.
I sure hope you’re right!
A week ago today I found myself attacked by the same types of feelings and emotions you describe. It’s still nauseating, hurtful, and raw. I decided then that for my own wellbeing I needed to turn off the noise. No matter how much I needed to know what was going on in the world, I didn’t need the news noise. All any of us can do is vote. We can’t beat people up, whip out an AK gun, smack them silly, yell at the top of our lungs. None of that stuff will help. Vote. Vote. Vote. To those who don’t vote, shut the hell up. To those who support ANYONE who controls our minds and bodies, shut the hell up. And pray that the status quo in this country is about to change. It can’t get any worse. Can it?
To hell with them. You take care of you. They made this mess and they can clean it up.
I have been in intensive therapy for over 14 months now, for clinical depression and PTSD (related to MST). I finally sought treatment after 30 some odd years when I was almost driven to suicide (after decades of personal hell and putting everyone around me through hell). These hearings, the President’s mocking of Dr. Ford…..all of it…..has set me back. I was locking the doors, feeling terrified, and weeping on the couch. But, I will not give up. I’ve worked too hard to get my life back.
Me too. Keep going!
Shared, tweeted, pinned, posted to Google+ …… and thank you. You too.
y human is a sexual abuse survivor. She shared her story on FB this week for the first time ever. BUT the Kavanaugh appointment stands for other terrifying things. For one, this month the SCOTUS is voting on a bill that would end a state’s right to persecute anyone 45 pardons. Look up Gamble vs US No 17-646. That takes away state attorney general’s power. All 45’s people go scott-free.
Yes it will impact many decisions. Much love to your human.
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