Adventures in Online Dating

In the midst of a pandemic I decided to give online dating a try.

It’s weird, actually. For the past several years I’ve been so shut down that I rarely had any meaningful contact with another human being, but one day I decided I was tired of being lonesome and when I discussed it with my therapist she suggested I give it a go, while taking steps to ensure my safety of course.

What an amazing adventure this is turning out to be!

I put up a profile at Bumble and after two days I got frustrated and took it down. Then a couple days later, after examining what I was so upset about, I put it back up again with changes to better reflect who I truly am.

The getting to know people can be rather tedious. Some of the men I’ve met online have no online social skills whatsoever. They are unable to carry on a conversation or even feign interest in their chat partner. I get rid of those pretty quick.

Some are very interested in themselves, as evidenced by their nonstop talking about who they are and what they want. What they don’t seem interested in is me. I get rid of them too.

Several guys I’ve run across are only looking for sex. I have no qualms with that as long as they are honest about it. That’s not what I’m looking for, but other women may be. Some of these men, though, can be really sneaky and subversive. One guy in particular had an amazingly creative style of maneuvering. I was so fascinated with his game-playing skills that I talked to him through Bumble phone for a couple of hours. Then I blocked him.

The conservative Christians who show interest in me can be rather curious, since my profile clearly states I am an atheist. I wonder if they think they’re going to save me. Should I warn them that here on the dark side we have cookies?

But the most confusing men are the ones who post photos of themselves with their shirt off. If you have washboard abs and are in your 30s, that’s great. But I’m in a higher age bracket, and most of my potential matches have nothing to show off about. The ones that post photos in front of fancy cars or surroundings make me tired. Can it be any more obvious that you’re a con artist?

I do love the ones with photos of their pets. I’ve talked to several men who were really too far away to be a potential match, but their dog or cat was so darn cute! BTW, I have a photo of me with Hissy on my profile. If that doesn’t endear me to a man, what could we possibly have in common?

Ironically, the only men I’m the least bit interested in so far are a couple I know in person. One is half my age and both work where I do so I can’t exactly hit up on either of them, can I? A feminist getting outed for sexual harassment would not be a good look.

Yes, this big, wide world is filled with interesting people and they are teaching me much about me. The first big revelation I had was that I have had a rather heavy facade I’ve been carrying around for years to protect this scared, hurting little kid inside of me from the big, bad world. When I realized that, it was like watching the Wall from the Pink Floyd movie come crashing down around me. It has been so much easier to hide behind Rumpy and DeDe, June Buggie and Hissy Fit Jones. I have come to the realization that I’m not as bad off as I thought I was. In fact, I think I’m doing pretty good. I’m neither as wonderful as I thought nor as horrible. At least I know what my issues are and have a toolkit at my disposal to help me deal with them.

Also, I can carry on a decent conversation when I want to.


25 thoughts on “Adventures in Online Dating

  1. Life experience and therapy through online dating. I never thought of it this way. I hope you find what your looking for and the cats like him. Perhaps it’s just conversation and there’s nothing wrong with that. You are smart and you are beautiful. Always remember that.

  2. The best way to learn about ourselves is often reflected in another’s face. Even if you don’t meet your match, you are still winning the game!

  3. i absolutely adored reading this…so brimming with truths and humor and authenticity. i have been married over half a century and the loneliness is nearly unbearable. i love communicating but find it utterly impossible with someone the age of donald trump himself? so i work on my sense of humor to prevent strokes and or heart attacks? wish me well!

  4. The shirtless wonders are a hoot. Why do some post pictures with other women in them? Take everything with a grain of salt. I found it to be a waste of my time and energy. GOOD LUCK

  5. I’m surprised to learn you’re trying online dating. I recall you stating a while back you hated men, but that’s your business. I believe people who have pets or at least express a desire to have a fur-baby in their lives are among the best. I know a few people who have gone the online dating route and haven’t had much success.

    Personally, I’m not taking the chance, so a cyber-romance is not likely. I’ve never had much luck in the romance department. Aside from being this side of ugly, I’m too much of an introvert.

    Best of luck to you, Jen! And yes, choose someone who loves animals!

    1. How do you remember that? Anyway, I think my lashing out at men is more from fear of being hurt. As for the not taking a chance because of looks, let me say that we all have something to offer others, be it friendship, companionship or love. May we both find whatever it is we’re looking for.

  6. What an awesome post, Jen. I’m really glad you’re discovering that you’re doing pretty good. LOVE that!

  7. Teach me obi wan kenobe you are my only hope.

    I literally have an entire blog of bad guys. How do I find anyone with covid in existence is beyond me.

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