I was heartened and yet saddened by the number of people who have reached out to me since my last blog post. Many reached out privately. While I respect your reasons for doing so, I couldn’t help but rage that we still suffer alone and silently while abusive people go on with their lives.
I rage because there are always those who will try to understand and excuse the behavior of bad actors while giving little thought to their victims. Why else would true crime stories be a thing? Why would serial killers get so many letters in prison offering them support? Why would rapists get a slap on the wrist even after their accusers were forced to prove they were an actual victim? Why would victims of domestic violence be scorned because they don’t leave instead of the perp being scorned for being abusive? And why would adults who abuse children suffer little or no consequences for their actions, while those children who continue to suffer as adults are admonished for not getting over it?
To those of us who hurt today, I offer this toast:
-Here’s to those of us who spent the holidays alone while those who have wronged us enjoyed warm celebrations with loved ones and friends.
-Here’s to we whose abusers are seen as victims, while their survivors are ostracized.
-Here’s to we who continue to struggle physically, mentally, emotionally, or financially from the effects of their cruelty, while those responsible for this damage go through life relatively unscathed.
-Here’s to those of us who must continue to protect ourselves from their cruelty, and to those of us who are not believed when we say out loud what is happening to us, or are told we’re making mountains out of mole hills.
-Here’s to those who cringe when we hear those charged with keeping us safe called heroes, because for us they were anything but.
-And here’s to we who continue to go forward each day, no matter how haltingly, because we know that our survival is the best revenge.
May this New Year bring you the peace of mind you so richly deserve, and may you live to see the day your abuser(s) get theirs.
Dogpaddling Through Life 
Those who “enjoyed warm celebrations with loved ones and friends” are probably going to be in the hospital with Covid in two weeks time. Those who didn’t (including me) may have a chance at having a good holiday next year.
Would be their just reward I’d say.
another beauty. profound, true, helpful. thanks for your wisdom!
A toast to us all!
“But she’s your mother!” is a phrase I’ve heard all too many times when saying that I have no contact with her. Also “you’ll feel guilty when she dies”. No, I didn’t feel guilty because I had good reasons. With the benefit of hindsight, I’d probably break contact sooner.
Society in general is all too quick to judge without letting facts get in the way. None of us know what goes on behind closed doors.
I file these folks under the category, “your mother seems fine so you must be crazy.”
This is precisely why I can barely look at my mother in law. She is a horrible human being. I will not make excuses for her or force my adult children to have a relationship with her. She moved to our city throwing herself upon us. Covid has been a great excuse to not have to have anything to do with her. I will have as little as possible to Dow with her. Did I feel bad that she was alone for the holidays? NOPE! She made her bed, she has to lie in it. You are not alone.