Happy Birthday to Me!

Happy birthday to me! I am 50+ years young. It’s not that I’m ashamed of my age, but I probably shouldn’t give away my DOB here. I’m actually proud how long I’ve lasted; a lot of chronically depressed people don’t make it this far.

This is the first birthday I can recall not being depressed. As was the case for a string of holidays before, I will be spending this day alone. No, it’s not how I had hoped it would be, but it is what it is.

I found myself feeling sorry for myself for that very reason this past week. I’m still not good at identifying feelings, but when I found myself back on a dating site wading through the same shit I’ve waded through before and asking myself why was I doing this, I figured it out. The dating profile came down. Then came the tears. How can this be so fucking difficult? How can I have worked so hard to get myself together only to still struggle with the things that others in life take for granted?

Then I remembered something a wise man told me a long time ago. At the time I didn’t find him wise but more of a wiseass, but I digress. The wise guy told me, “You don’t get what you want. You don’t even get what you need. You get what you get.”

Things may not always be this way. Or they could be. Irregardless, it’s what I have now. So how will I choose to live this day? I think instead of whining about what I don’t have I’ll be glad for what I do.

I had planned to take myself to the beach, then I woke up last week to heat pouring from the vents, even though the a/c was on. I’d hoped it would be the thermostat, but no, I needed a new unit. So no beach trip. The technicians started installing the unit Monday and today will be Day Three. That knocks out the treating myself to brunch. So I think I’m going to repair my riding lawn mower. I got on YouTube and watched some videos and now I’m convinced I can do it. Look for another in my occasional series of DIY blog posts. Let’s hope this project doesn’t take 4 days.

I’m also posting this blog post to shamelessly solicit your good wishes. I may not have people in my life who can personally spend time with me today, but I have those of you who regularly come to read my posts, and I appreciate each of you. Not so much the ones that hit the like button so I’ll do the same on their post so they can make money, but, at least they come by, eh?

Thanks for reading, and for spending a few moments of my birthday with me. You’re the best!

34 thoughts on “Happy Birthday to Me!

  1. Hi Jen! My calendar tells me your birthday is tomorrow! It’s told me that ever since I don’t remember when. Oops. I hope whatever you’ve done today turned out to be fun and satisfying. I was born on a Friday the 13th, so every year I carry out my tradition of petting a black cat, walking under a ladder, throwing a hat on the bed, opening an umbrella in the house and whispering the word “MacBeth.” Most of the time that assures me good luck the rest of the year. Maybe you could try it? I totally agree with the white kitty! So, even if you need to bake it yourself, I hope you’ll get to have some cake soon. Love and hugs! Diana E.

  2. I’m so happy for your first non-depressed birthday! I turned 50 a month after my mother died and I felt such freedom that I decided for the first time ever to let people know it was my birthday and send me greetings in any way they wanted. I didn’t do anything else, no dinner or event or anything, I just enjoyed all those greetings and good wishes, so I’m with you on just sending you a lot of that. I hope it makes tomorrow a great day too!

  3. Happy Birthday from the other side of the pond, from Cologne, Germany, I hope the new year is full of fun, love and adventures. Kind regards Stefanie

  4. Happy birthday, Jen!

    Maybe you can treat yourself to a very special unbirthday at the beach when all the work is done.

  5. Happy birthday Jen! You have come so far in your journey! I hope you have a lovely day. Enjoy the day as it is.

  6. Happy Birthday Jen! Hope you have had/are having a good day and birthday cake! I’m hitting a marker this year and tempted to put balloons on the gate and cake on a table on the drive!

  7. Jen! Sorry I’m just getting here now, but I am glad I made it while it is still your day. Happy birthday to you, dear friend. I hope you had a really good day, or at least one with things that made you smile.

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