For My Beloved

Y’all, I’m a damn mess.

Photo by eberhard grossgasteiger on

Shingles ain’t no joke. If you’ve never suffered with Herpes Zoster I can’t describe to you how painful and debilitating it can be. It’s so bad I implore you to get the damn vaccine! I know I’m going to get it once this bout clears up. I don’t care how many chips Bill Gates implants in me, I don’t ever want to go through this again.

As I go through this acceptance phase of grief I am starting to see just how horrible some of the men are who I’ve previously allowed into my life. For instance, this morning I got a text from this guy:

HIM: Hi. How are you?
ME: I have shingles.
HIM: Sounds painful. Want to hook up when you're better?
ME: *blocks number*

I chose to write this poem as a creative visualization of how I want my lover to treat me. This will help me draw this lover to me as I banish those from my life who treat me the way Matt did.

My Beloved

While I lie here in misery, 
it’s his smiling eyes I see.
His brow furrowed with concern 
as he brushes back the curls from my face.
His fingers trace
the lines on my forehead.
Joining me on the bed, 
he gazes into my soul
and asks how he can console
He kisses me tenderly
then whispers I should rest
as he hovers o’er our love nest.
He leaves, uttering his most ardent affection, 
washing me in its warm reflection.

26 thoughts on “For My Beloved

  1. I only know about shingles from my Grammy. She had never and did never complain about anything in her long life except this horrible disease. I hope it leaves you soon and your visualization becomes your reality. Light hugs (it hurts to be touched!) and best wishes. Becky

  2. Jen, we are truly sorry that you have been afflicted with shingles. We have other friends who have gotten it, and it sounds horrible. Having said that, that dude who texted you is a miserable excuse for a human. Good for you for blocking him. You deserve a man like the one in your poem. I, too, hope your visualization becomes your reality.

    1. I had a bout with shingles in the spring of 1985, when I was going a really tough time in my life. It seemed all hell was breaking loose around me, and I couldn’t do a damn thing about it. I didn’t know what I had or why at the time. I just applied calamine lotion and even tried to soothe the blisters with ice. Eventually they disappeared.

      I definitely hope you feel better, Jen! That, indeed, is one of the worst skin conditions to have.

      1. Thank you. Ice helps. Sleep does also. I slept much of the day yesterday and while I don’t feel great, I was able to walk around the block with Molly this morning.

  3. I didn’t know there was a vaccine for it.

    You deserve the man in your poem.

    I hope you’re better soon.

  4. I’m sorry you’re going through that and having such a difficult times. I’m glad my Doctor insisted that I get the shingles vaccine.

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