Dearly Beloved

Not just any man will do,
but my beloved, I’m beginning to think you
are not real. You may never come
to me. I feel so dumb.
My dreams of nights no longer spent alone 
were in vain. If only I had known
I could have saved my time and money
on dating sites where nothing but fuck buddies,
trolls and scammers hang around.
I’ve looked, and you’re nowhere to be found.

I hate those bitches that say
you can have it all if you just pray.
You can manifest whatever you want,
as though a man were a croissant 
and not a being of free will.
And screw those that tell ya to keep climbing that hill!
Baby, I’m out of breath.
My heart is bursting from my chest.

To keep believing is getting me nowhere, 
I’m giving up. If you’re there,
I hope we find each other.,
but I’m not waiting any longer. 

14 thoughts on “Dearly Beloved

  1. Another powerful poem Jen! I tried Datign Sites back in 2010-12…I met a few nice men. Jack was a REALLY cool guy but he was a 4 hour drive away. So we kept in touch & then he met someoen clsoer & he is happy. And there was a man only an hour’s drive away named Paul & he had a Samoyed dog named Sawyer. We were compatible in a bazillion ways….but he was still working & driving every weekend to Niagara Falls to take care of his aging Mother. And yes she was REAL. Trouble was Paul spent so much time working & then driving about it was not convenient to shlep up here too. And that REALLY sucked. So we continued to chat for a while on the phone. **sighs**
    An there was a 3rd fellow from Wasaga Beach….he had financial woes & he was looking for someone with $money$ to ‘help’ him out & be a girlfriend. He was in a lot of debt…I liked his free spirit approach & thought we could at least hang out & go for a burger…that sort of thing. He let me down gently & I respected him for being honest with me. Funny thing was my upstairs neighbor was on same site & she took a shine to him (he had that Rocker style look to him; very appealing!) So she & he started messaging & he was surprised she was from same town as another lady he’d ‘meet’ on dating site…Can you imagine his surprise when she said “Oh Sherri-Ellen?! She’s my Bestie!” That was the end of that for them. He never messaged either of us again.
    Moral of the Story: “You can’t always get what you ask for!”
    OH wait~~didn’t Mick Jagger sing that???
    I can relate to Donna here. I’ve been widowed twice & my last engagement ended in a violent assault that almost took my Life. So I have made Peace with everything & have been on my own for 14 years. Do I miss my deceased Hubbies? You betcha! But I too, will not settle for 2nd or 3rd or 25th best. I’d rather be on my own.
    (((hugs))) Sherri-Ellen

    1. There’s a lot of baggage attached to my desire to find my beloved, namely that my mother told me I would never find someone to love me. She was wrong, of course, because I have each of you. But my dream of finding true love has been a difficult one to let go of. But we don’t always get what we want.

      1. Thanks you for your kind concern. Much appreciated, I’m sorry, I was responding to BellaDharma an LadyMew August 1, 2021 at 1:42 PM’s post where she said her last engagement ended in a violent assault.

        Fortunately, I have been blessed to not have any relationships ending in violent assaults.

  2. I have the impression that lots of people settle for someone less than ideal because they cannot bear to alone. Part of that is the pressure that society puts on us to be part of a happy couple.

    1. I’m not afraid to be alone. I’m not even afraid of being lonely. I wanted this very much, but I’m not going to live forever and there are other things I want also. Time to focus on them instead.

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