Tinder for the Uninitiated

I met him. It went well. We talked about normal stuff. He asked to see me again. I said yes.

But I later noticed a nagging feeling in my gut that needed to be explored. That conversation went something like this:

GUT: I don't like this.
HEAD: Is this legit or another manifestation of PTSD?
GUT: Look at the facts.
HEAD: OK, so he looks good. He can carry on a conversation. He held the door open for me. He wants to see me again.
GUT: And??????
HEAD: And what?
GUT: How about how he only seems available during work hours? He only calls when he's away from home? He texts from home, but those texts are intermittent. 
HEAD: Yeah but he's probably busy. 
GUT: No man sniffing after new pussy is too busy to woo it, unless he's doing so on another woman's time schedule. 
HEAD: Oh yeah, well, there's that....

There’s more, but you get the picture.

If you’re a woman and have decided to look for love online, this poem is for you (yeah, men get the shit too, but y’all need to write your own poems).


This little piggy says he’s 40,
but I swear he looks under 25.
This little piggy’s just scary!
Really, dude, are you still alive?
This little piggy isn’t married,
but he cannot make an evening/weekend date.
This little piggy is submissive;
he just can’t keep his chat partners straight.
This little piggy wants a partner
to consent to his most carnal desires.
This little piggy seeks commitment;
a woman with a job he requires.
This little piggy is a ‘Murican!
Swipe left if you don’t love God and guns!
This little piggy wants a mama chick
to move in and raise his young’uns.
This little piggy is a scammer.
Says he’s local but works in Bahrain.
This little piggy is a retread
who thinks I’ll fall for his tired old game.

So, really Jen, why do you keep rolling
in the muck where these little piggies go?
Because I need to learn my dating triggers
and how to tell these little piggies no.

8 thoughts on “Tinder for the Uninitiated

  1. Good poem……… I was the momma chick who looked after the young ‘uns. When I left, first question was ‘Who’s going to look after the kids!!!’
    IMO, Keep an open mind and see how it goes next time. Still niggles? Listen to your gut.

  2. Divorced. bachelor 37 years. 72 years old now and out of the game a long time. Most anyone in my generation this old now has so much baggage that there’s no romance just complications. We must learn to find completeness and happiness in other things than trying to find that elusive soul mate.

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