Dear Thief:

I don’t know who you are – YET.

You think you’re slick. I don’t know how you managed to steal my mail, but you did.

The IRS mailed my refund almost two weeks ago, yet as of today it hasn’t arrived. Also I haven’t gotten notification through the USPS Informed Delivery service that it was on the way.

This isn’t the first time I haven’t received my mail. It was forwarded to another address for weeks despite my repeated attempts to stop this from happening. Eventually I asked my US Senator for help and it appeared to stop.

For awhile, anyway.

But several months ago I got a phone call from a debt collector over an overdue debt to my doctor that I had no idea about. Despite their claim two invoices were mailed to me, I didn’t get either of them. Then I found out yet another credit card had a change of address on the account that I sure as hell didn’t put there.

And now here we are with a missing check from the federal government.

But this time, my nemesis, you have fucked up. The IRS is already on notice that the check is missing, so they’re looking into it. They are aware that this isn’t an isolated incident. Soon they will know where it was cashed, when, and by whom. And they will be able to access any video footage available when that check was cashed. They will charge you with a federal crime committed against the United States Government. And I plan to be in the courtroom for your trial and finally savor a sense of justice.

So enjoy that little money you got while you can. Me? I’m getting ready for the day I find out just who the fuck you are.

And when I do, be ready.

Photo by Kindel Media on

22 thoughts on “Dear Thief:

    1. This has been a coordinated attack going on for almost two years now. In a way I’m glad it happened, because this time USPS can’t poo-poo me off. They can explain to the IRS how they fucked up.

      1. I get a certain tax preparing company to either give me a ATM card right when I get them prepared or I have direct deposit. I also have a PO Box because I was single for a long time after divorcing and didn’t like the idea of having my physical address published in a lot of places for folks to unexpectantly show up on me and my daughter.

  1. Memory exercise is all. Credit-card companies make it easy, same day each month; it don’t matter if the invoice is seen or not. The real crime is being lazy concerning $.

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