I’m sitting alone at Cheddar’s waiting for dinner to be served. This isn’t my normal routine. It’s usually fast food from the nearest drive-thru in my room. This is work-related travel. It forces me out of my shell and into possibilities I never let me consider. A waiter who’s patient and kind. A woman baring cellulite wearing a cute little short set. Me in a T-shirt and leggings eating healthy while writing this. Perhaps a walk at the hotel to wind down after a long drive. Doing these things differently is how I heal and learn to move among you without my armor of defensiveness and anger, without the clown costume of clothes that do not fit, without tensing up when anyone looks my way. This is how I stop pretending to have my shit all together and show you the beautiful mess and the loving heart that is me.