I’m sitting alone at Cheddar’s 
waiting for dinner to be served.
This isn’t my normal routine.
It’s usually fast food from
the nearest drive-thru in my room. 
This is work-related travel. 
It forces me out of my shell
and into possibilities 
I never let me consider. 
A waiter who’s patient and kind. 
A woman baring cellulite 
wearing a cute little short set. 
Me in a T-shirt and leggings 
eating healthy while writing this. 
Perhaps a walk at the hotel
to wind down after a long drive. 
Doing these things differently 
is how I heal and learn to move
among you without my armor
of defensiveness and anger,
without the clown costume of clothes
that do not fit, without tensing 
up when anyone looks my way. 
This is how I stop pretending
to have my shit all together
and show you the beautiful mess
and the loving heart that is me.