Miss Biddy stayed out all night Tuesday. I felt scared, and relieved when she finally made it back Wednesday evening. She was a mess and I took her to the vet; bloodwork was good and X-rays showed her lungs were clear. But the vet noticed a tooth was missing.
This morning I checked and realized it was one of her signature fangs. I’m upset I didn’t pick up on that during the vet visit. I’ll call Monday morning and see if another X-ray is warranted to determine if part of the tooth is still in there causing her pain.
The feral mama cat brought her kittens up for me to help her wean them; I love watching them scamper around the carport. She’s none too happy when Georgie the feral tom visits each evening to eat, so I usually stand outside when he’s there. I call the mama cat BeBe because her kids are bad. I’ve been treating BeBe with string cheese that she’ll now take from my hand, and Monday she will finally be spayed (unless she fools me again).
The feelings I describe are significant for me; I lived most of my life in a dissociative state and I felt nothing save the rage or pain that would fester and erupt like an abscess. I wasn’t in touch with my body either and missed cues indicating care was needed. To notice now when my head aches, when I’m hungry or satiated, when I feel tired is new. It all seems so odd, but it shows me I’m healing.
I get up early every day to feed, to scoop the litter tray, to dole out meds without delay. Why? Because I love you. When you get sick, I am upset. I rush you quickly to the vet. Need it? I'll work, and you'll get. Why? Because I love you. And when a feral mama brings her kittens up for help to wean, I'll get her spayed, so not again. Why? Because I love her. Those times when I am feeling down and in my sorrows I would drown, my heart's healed by the purring sounds you make because you love me. Past dealings with humanity revealed that they consistently despise, laugh at, or ignore me. Their god don't even love me. But dogs and cats whose lives I share think not how I look, what I wear. I am, and that is all they care about, because they love me. Some day, The Rainbow Bridge I'll go to meet again with those whose show of love was what propelled me on. I miss you and I love you.