Depression is its worst in spring
when tulips bloom and trees are green,
when birds sing early in the morn
and in the evening air so warm.
Depression lies, says its not worth
planting new flowers in the dirt,
the butterflies, they will not come,
so let the weeds come overrun
the flower beds. Do not bother,
cuz no one wants the hope they proffer.
But on this day I’m in remission
and so I give myself permission
to pull the weeds, thin the lilies,
transplant bulbs with help from kitties.
ADHD moves me there
and here, then yon, but I don’t care.
I’m making art to be enjoyed
the days my mental state destroys
every lovely thought inside
my brain and self-hate overrides.
These are the days that get you through
when your depression battles you.
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Dogpaddling Through Life 
It’s so difficult. I’m so tired of the cloak of doom hanging over me.
I’m ready for normalcy whatever that means
I think finding my normal has been hard. I’ve had to let go of a lot of ideas I thought were true and learn to embrace those things I want in my life. A prime example is I thought I wanted the companionship of a man in my later years, but lately I’ve come to realize I prefer to not have people around. The cats and the plants are plenty enough companionship for me. Certainly not what society calls normal, but it’s my normal.
I hope doing some gardening helped. I find it quite therapeutic.
Me too. My birthday is coming up within the week and I’ve taken off and will spend some time gardening between the rain showers.
It was mine a few days ago. I spent it quietly. We’re having quite a mixture of sunshine and showers too!
A belated happy birthday!
Lovely words, just keep paddling on.
That’s the goal!
For me, the key is understanding it is a monkey on my back, not wholely normal thinking and try not to let it immobilize me. Sometimes I just have to be stubborn and resist the beast out of spite. Sometimes I must withdraw from the world for a day or two. That’s OK but I jump back and engage and challenge depression. Accomplishing little tasks and bringing issues to closure fortifies me and I can snap out of it. I know the next wave is on the horizon and hopefully, I’m stronger.
Sounds familiar. It amazes me how well I function when I’m in active depression. But I always was a good actress, and one of my best roles is that of functional adult when I feel dead inside.
I prefer to be alone as well! Just my cats and my kids is all I need. Your garden is beautiful keep up the good work.